Parenting Tip: What to do when you are stuck

I distinctly remember when a spiritual mentor of mine said to me while I was in high school that I would probably need to have some counseling one day. I knew her well enough to know that she wasn’t crazy and that she was right.

A few years ago, my “check engine light came on.” It was time for me to go to counseling. I felt stuck.

There are times when I can talk to friends and family about tough situations or hard times, but sometimes, those conversations don’t fix the hurt or the problem. Sometimes days and weeks go by, and I am dealing with the same issue, and I can’t pinpoint the problem. Thankfully, counselors are really good at pinpointing what the problem is. Just like that error code that is used to find why the check engine light came on in the first place.

Sometimes counseling is quite a road and journey to the issues and helpful solutions. But I am here to tell you that I am a fan. Wait, I thought this was a parenting tip?! Well, the counseling that I went through, made me a better parent. I worked on me, I worked on my perspective and you know what I saw? I saw that I had some cognitive distortions that weren’t helping me as I tried to be a good parent. When I rewired some of my thinking, when I took off the weight of responsibility I had put on my shoulders, my engine started working better. My perspective was healthier. And my kids received better reactions from me.

We all get stuck. Maybe you have recently felt stuck. Maybe you have been stuck for years. When you are stuck, you have a choice to make and that choice will affect others. Getting help from someone that doesn’t know you and has the goal to help you, is wise.

Parenting clearly doesn’t come with a manual for every phase your child goes through. We have baggage that we unintentionally bring into our parenting and it can show up at different seasons, possibly similar to the season we were in when trauma or hurt happened to us. Our pastor Jay Watson has said. “The goal is not happiness, it’s health.” Making the choice to see a counselor is a healthy thing to do when you are stuck.

Others around you will benefit, including your kids.

by: Cady Ruth, Children’s Minister